Quit Trying to Make Everyone Happy

Confessions of a people-pleaser and full-time conflict-avoider.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

I admit: I’m a people pleaser. I hate tension. I hate when people are mad at me. I avoid conflict at all costs.

But recently, I have come to the realization that my people-pleasing mentality could be harming my relationships more than it helps them.

Here are some signs that you might be a people-pleaser, and some healthy alternatives for handling tense situations where you might be tempted to people-please.

1. You Don’t Express Anger

I couldn’t tell you the number of times in my life where I‘ve gotten angry at someone for something and promptly brushed it under the rug. To illustrate:

• When one of my friends accused me of being racist because of a comment I made in passing, over five years ago.
• When one of my other friends didn’t answer my texts consistently for months on end, and then got upset with me for the distance in our friendship.
• When this guy I used to like would agree to make plans with me and then practically ignore me the whole time.
• When my mom makes comments that make me doubt my ability to make decisions as an adult.