“Nice Guys” And Good Guys Are Not The Same
I’ll admit, “nice guys” get a bad reputation.
At first glance, the concept of being a “nice” person instead of a grade-A jerk seems like it should be a good thing. But in the conversation about why “nice guys finish last,” the real problem is that we haven’t defined the difference between nice guys and good guys.
The two aren’t the same. Far from it, in fact. Here are just a few of the differences between them.
Nice guys are pushovers. Good guys stand for something.
Nice guys care about the perception of others. They care about whether or not they are well-liked and how other people perceive them. And, with the goal of being well-liked, they are often people-pleasers.
While being nice (and respectful) towards others is important, being a people-pleaser without boundaries is never a good thing. Nobody likes a doormat. At least, not as a partner.
Good guys, on the other hand, are still respectful, but they know when to stand for something. They aren’t concerned with being well-liked by everyone and are more than willing to make a few enemies if it means staying true to their values.
Good guys aren’t always nice and they aren’t always likable. But they stand firm in what they believe and do not waiver just to earn social currency.
Nice guys have ulterior motives. Good guys are genuine in their intentions.
Nice guys are nice because they think it will help them get somewhere (especially with women). They are nice in the hopes that they’ll be rewarded for it — whether with attention, a date, or even some bedroom action. They’re “nice” with the expectation that niceness will help them get what they want.
Good guys don’t have ulterior motives. They don’t treat people well or poorly based on what they hope to gain out of the interaction. If they do choose to do someone a favor, it’s because they want to or because they feel it is the right thing to do.
